Monday, December 27, 1999

old blog 1999

1-24-99 ..busy..2 shows coming up and I am working hard to get all ready. Today Thom is coming by o take some more slides of my new works. Ray set up the basement for photo sessions. ..framing..I hate it, maybe that is half the problem...
11-2-99 Haven't written for some time, been busy working with the plaster/paint mixture. Spend some time on Hood Canal- most beautiful landscape. I did several sketches and took photos- now it is time to construct several canvases. Probably 3 medium ones, 3 small ones and 2 large ones. Ray and I will have the basement set up to cut wood and stretch canvas. Continued working on several of my works Union, the Messanger- to mention 2 of them. Union is still in process, but I feel it is getting closer to the "vision" I had. Messanger- well that painting has been a problem for some time. I simply couldn't work with the figure the way it was. Somehow the placement as well as the message was wrong. Working with the idea of transperancy...slowly getting to realize that.
9-28-99 Finished a small piece on Kali. Very successful, mixture of paint and plaster. So far the most successful one in that medium. If I mix the plaster with the paint, the paint looses its intensity, so best is to "paint" with plaster first and then apply the color seperatelly ( with lots of medium that gives it better stability and flexibility) Requires more planning than when I usually paint- once the plaster is there- that's it. Unless I want to go in and chissel away plaster, or something.
9-17-99. Started working with the plaster-medium-acrylic painting base. I like it- great surface. Kind of like reliefs or something. Lots of potential.
Not much going on...send off 3 animations to the Renaissance 2001 exhibit in Japan. Lilith rising, Water Love and Seattle. Probably will make a page with the animations, linking them to the r2001 site I maintain. Painting, kind of stuck somehow, been working on the "Messager", making good progress- but slow. I decided to have her hand holding something- offering something, don't really know what? But do I ever? Need to do some research on hands.. Also, started on some sketches for the "Denny Mansion" painting, kind of an odd structure. In general I need to draw more! Since I have been doing all that research on Kali, I have developed a painting in my head about her.... HOWEVER, since I worked more than usual at the hospital, I amde more money- so it is time to go and buy paint, paint, paint....
First day of negotiation seminar. Why would I put this type of info in my art journal? Because it was a lot about colors and symbols. Red, green, brown and blue. How people are like colors, moving from one shade into the other. How the colors mix when we interact. What kind of picture we are painting, together as one.
Who knows it might actually help me find my way better.
well, and it always moves on.... Soon I have to take the art show down, while I don't really know when exactly. Right now I am busy with the hospital, negotiations for the contract, seminar and so on. Ray will have his show after mine, and he is going on vacation to california. Have to talk to him about it more. Art? Discovered Kali, the totality of all, and been thinking about making a couple of sculptures with the plaster I have. My finances aren't all that hot right now, and actually I need to buy more paint before I get into painting more. If I am honest, I have to admit that I am afraid somehow to contact galleries, but I know that if I don't- nothing is going to happen by itself. Wonder how long it is going to take me to push away the fear and finally seek that what I need...
Time moves on. Saw some Amsel Kiefer work at the SAM, absolutely great stuff. I remember seeing the first pieces maybe 10-12 years ago, didn't have a clue- didn't understand. It is kind of sad that many people are unable to access the power of his work, or other more avant-garde artists for that matter. I mean, I didn't understand his work I see it full of power and wisdom.
Purpose.....Struggle at times to find purpose,....
Experimented with plaster yesterday, applying to a stuff, don't know if it going any further, right now not in the best of spirits.....the "Grand Cross" is sitting on my natal chart pretty heavy, supposed to get better after full moon, we'll see..... HAVE to send out resumes!
...hmmm, where to start...
Spend several days on the island Guemes, my friends were getting married. Incredible - absolute incredible experience. I had considered moving to Boston ( love affair) but finally realized that it isn't possible. I need a community of like minded people. Creative forces, imagination, union, community. Here is a part of the letter I wrote to my friend in Boston:
"I just got back from Guemes Island. The first time I went there was about 5 years ago, with my friends Lynn and Lisa. I gave them a crash course in painting, to prepare them for an art trip to france with
Lisa's dad who was teaching a painting seminar there. Well, last weekend they got married on Guemes.
Guemes? A little island, the first of the San Juan Islands, but on the WA state side. Population ? small, places have no running water, plump toilets.Over a 150 guests- we worked our butts off to orchestrate this huge, beautiful event.
A couple of month ago, when Lisa told me the exact date of the wedding I offered to tattoo her feet with "mendhi" ( a henna paste that stays for about 2 weeks or so). I don't know why I offered, I had never done it on another person, never for such an important event. Immediately I tried to pull out- " Lisa you can apply it yourself", I said- but typical Lisa she just looked at me with this sweet smile and said,:" Oh no, I
want you to do it". Practice- I practiced for 2 month, on myself and every piece of flesh I could get to.
Today there are a lot of people carrying a small reminder of the wedding with them.
Well, that was my contribution- and in comparison to all the other people that were involved in this affair, nothing really special. It is an artist community.10 acres, one cabin and "Stumpy" this semi tree house that is growing into this A-frame structure with 3 floors and glass walls, in the middle of the woods.I can't even begin to describe the place, or the's all too big..speechless..."
In 5 days is the art reception. I hang the show last wednesday- a total of 22 pieces, including all my larger works. It looks very nice, since it is a large and well lit place. Now it is time to wait. Wait and see who all comes to it, how the turn out will be. Luckily I already sold a piece a couple of weeks ago, so I shouldn't feel that anxious about selling. It isn't the money that makes me anxious, it is the acceptance factor. Unfortunately I have this real need to express myself and be accepted- probably a lot of artists have this- otherwise why would they exhibit in the first place. If it was the money- most artists are intelligent, and there are a lot easier ways to make money than with art.
The weather is absolutely awful, so I am a bit dark and gloomy- partly anticipation, partly raging energy. Sometimes I do wish I was still singing, I could be giving great performances right now. It is so much simpler to transfer this energy through music than it is through painting. ( while I could see myself throwing some paint on a canvas right now- buckets full, but my studio here doesn't allow such outbursts )
It is always interesting how people react to me and to what I do. Part time pharmacy tech- over educated, under challenged? Is it so hard to understand that art doesn't pay the bills, but than one still needs to make art? ......and I like the job, at least I am not trying to sell refrigerators. The reality of death and pain has kind of a grounding effect, or am I deluding myself?
Death- what a concept, really. We all have to go through that one alone.
It's almost been 2 years since I started this journal, began doing web sites. Over the last couple of days I have removed my content from geocities since they got new TOS. I think I might keep the journal on line here, why not- what can they do? Steal my thoughts- well, actually that is what they are doing- but in this case I don't mind. I have a new address now, became part of Serge's Esoteric web community- and I am happy I did. While it involves a lot of work- work I didn't plan on doing right now, since I have the show coming up and all. Still need to frame, make postcards and so on. That's Kali for you- always full of surprises.
Haven't been writing a lot, but have been doing a lot. Got a show in June at the @21st Gallery, and then one in this rad church in Queen Ann in July, They contacted me through the internet ;-)
Had almost 50 new pieces photographed, the work over the last 2 1/2 years. Now they are being integrated in to the web site. Got a new flower site, and soon Serge will have a new gallery on the esoteric galleries. Also final bought paint shop pro- with animation- going crazy making animations, backgrounds and so on. great to transform ones images into animations- love it.
3.29 New Phase. I have been doing really good work. Poetry- my work has poetry.Now I actually need to work on exhibiting my art again. Should simply e-mail out to galleries, I mean- "what can I loose"?
2.2.99 move is over. Painted for the first time in my new place. I think it will be a good space. I think I will start to paint frames on my paintings. I remember Ray, a teacher of mine, suggesting I should change the format after I start. I'm not the first painter to do this.
New Year, new beginnings. Motto this year: "act and not react". Don't really know how I came up with that, and how it will influence my art. For starters I am MOVING- hate it, yuck! Haven't been able to paint since Christmas, really. First did a chandelier, a real craft job. Then I re-designed my web pages again. Finally taught myself to make frames. Very proud!! Frames are perfect for displaying art.
Now all my art stuff is packet away, ready for the move tomorrow. Moving into the " @21st gallery". Practical decision. I needed more financial flexibility to pursue my art carrier. Slides cost lots of money. I simply have to lay out the money, otherwise I can't promote my art. The rent was getting too pricey. Now I will be in the house with another artist, Ray Krisor. I think that is a positive move. Besides my good friend and painter, Kerstin lives blocks away. Home Alive is 3 Blocks up the street. Walking distance from work. All very positive influences for me as an artist , and for my carrier. Still, I am sad. I am giving away total, absolute and unrestricted freedom of movement. Peace and solitude. I wonder how my art will evolve. The internet. Getting a lot of great fan mail. People actually, really love my work. Great input, I yearn for that positive feedback. ? Over achiever? Heard one of Dali's interviews. He is such a funny guy. " play the genius, and you will be" he said. Well, since I love his honest humor, I will say " play the artist, and you will be". I will be down for almost 2 weeks. Strange.

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